Live with no excuses, Love with no regrets..

Sunday, April 16, 2006

currently down...

haven't logged on for a long time. thats coz many things have been happening. i dunno where to start. onli can say that my mood is juz going haywire. i'm realising many facts of life & experiencing them at the wrong time. maybe its the exam stress thats making it all worse.

i realise how some pple's words can make me feel so bad. like as though i've let them down or did something wrong and that i'm obliged to make it up to them. it makes it all worse when the person is nice and u feel all the more pressurized coz u've disppointed them. do u know how that feels ? and juz when i'm feeling all sucky & got lotsa stuff on my mind...others are cracking jokes & making fun (which is normal for them to act in such ways..not their fault)...but they dun realise its the wrong timing. how am i to react to all these? alot of shit is bothering me at work. i didn't have so much problems until this ambassador thingy started. i shouldn't have taken it in the 1st place. end up chan left..& rico so unconfident and now quitting. karen backed out. now i'm left in the spot. i wanna back out too..not to follow suit but due to many other reasons. but sadly, pple are misunderstanding my reasons. i juz hate explaining when pple dun seem to understand and convey wrong info to others. blame me for being emotional...but i juz can't control it.

maybe sometimes i should juz shut up and stop toking. the onli right thing to do is alwayz wat makes others happy. this is the sad fact in life rite? i'm not totally unhappy with the outcome...but i'm not happy either. either way...i lose out rite? izzit true that in order to make others happy...it has to be at our expense? our expense of time...energy...and feelingz? sometimes i dun wish to explain myself...coz i noe i'll break down in front of them. so i choose to shut up.

ppgs...its not that i don't wanna update u...but its not the right time now. we're all having exams soon...& i think its enough stress for u all already. dun wanna add on extra pressure at this point in time. maybe i'm juz super worried abt my exams. after 2nd may...we'll be free. i'll be free...then i'll have time to sort out my problems k? for all of u mugging for exams...continue to jia you! coz we're all running out of time.....

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