Live with no excuses, Love with no regrets..

Friday, September 29, 2006

my insensitivity...

well...its proven that i'm sensitive. typical piscean rite? i noe that but i didn't realise how insensitive i can get sometimes. i tend to say things w/o thinking...maybe too straight forward at times. i dun have bad implications behind those blurt-outs...it may juz be a passing comment but i don't realise i've hurt others only until later. but then...wat's said is said...i can't take it back. i'll try to explain myself after that...hoping they understand my intentions. many times i manage to hold back my comments...but i guess there're still times where i'm caught unexpected.

know wat? i'm a lucky person. not that i'm luckyby nature...but i'm lucky to have many pple in my life. i'm most grateful to my parents, w/o them i wouldn't be here & wouldn't be the way i am now. lucky to have found 2 best frenz, whom i'll treasure and be with for the rest of my life. thankful to have found 'capna' and creating unlimited memories together till eternity. thanx to the monfortians for being such fun & wonderful frenz from 7+ yrs ago till now & many more. greatful to jc frenz whom made studying so much more enjoyable and un4gettable outings occasionally now & then. thankful to sof for the continuous support, sibling-ness, outingz & happiness. thanx to the frenz at nydc for being such great frenz and providing a fun workplace which i hang onto for 2+ yrs, which i realli didn't expect from a part-time job. especially lucky to have superbly great pple in my life. sometimes i dun think i'm worthy enough, but i truely appreciate their kindness and concern. juz can't express my gratitude enough. i can onli promise them a lifetime of sincere frenship...as i owe them infinitely.

anyway, had a superbly tiring dae yesterdae...but its all fun. filmed a video for our proj. it was fun...1st time experiencing being an actress. dunno how it'll turn out after editing though. after that went to changi for snooker chalet. had a little bbq then played drinking game. i lost the most...& the lucky bdae boy didn't even drink. argh. started mj-ing at 10+ pm. didn't expect it but we played 4 rounds. since its a chalet...juz enjoy ba. dun scold me galz...it was juz that 1 nite. heehee ended ard 8am the next morn...didn't catch the sunrise unfortunately. pia home & slept like a pig.

yep...i'm halfway thru' my holidaes already...veri fast & sch starts again. i miss clubbing already. have fun b4 doom's dae ba. i miss everyone.... =)

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

thiNkinG at;
3:17 AM;

*~=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-~*

Sunday, September 24, 2006

u-p-d-a-t-e-s

so frustrating...how do i change the colour of my tagboard posting space? oh manz...i hate typing in the dark...& i noe u all dun like too. sorrie ly! seems like gotta test ur accuracy in typing for now....until i find a cure! hahaha its so irritating! but i'm not IT-pro. argh!

well well...holidaes are here again. a short one though. mid-term break. its not actualli a break...they should call it midterm catch-up time. 'coz we've to use it to do projs & tutorials...maybe worst for us...coz most of our modules are proj-based. the only good thing abt this is... no midterm tests for us. pros & cons for both ba.

do i look shag or wat? that dae looked in the mirror & got a shock manz. maybe its coz of the headache that dae...i look so lifeless. eEeee. gotta get rid of my panda eyes...how? & i gotta lose some weight manz. juz a little lah...at least. coz of the suppers i've been having...or should i say late dinners...irregular meals. argh. my mind clock & stomach system are all going haywire. as much as i want to rest early...my lifestyle forbids me. if its not sch that ends late...its assignments that i gotta rush. needing some form of relaxation, the onli possible time is late nite. so there's limited choices like supper, movie or mahjong most of the time. wish to meet up my galz more often but our free times are diff. no worries~ coz i'll still organise meet-ups when i can...although i keep complaining. hahaha

lets see...next week. have mondae to pia tutorials/projs, tue proj stuff..then snooker at nite. wed gotta make a video for another proj. but later gona pia to my cue sports chalet! there's gona be bbq & mahjong. is it at this stage of our lives...there's a sudden urge for mahjong? i was shocked when they said that was the activity. wahhahah thurs will be catch-up on sleep & assignment time. fri gona have proj meetingsSs...then its nydc scoop icecream time. sat will be iceskating(which was planned last wk) cum hotside time. sunday is nus-sim friendly pool competition...joined for fun...influence from peers. hahaha not done yet...sunday nite...my grandma's bdae celebration! luckily its brought forward to next sunday...if not it'll clash with xw's 21st on the following sunday~ pHew! yepyep...this is all. my schedule for the week. galz galz...take good careZ! everyone...eNjoYz! =)

thiNkinG at;
10:22 PM;

*~=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-~*

Saturday, September 16, 2006

coldness thru'out todae....

heavy rain todae...wat a cold day. woke up a little late again...juz couldn't pull myself out of bed. had space mkt tutorial one todae. our tutor actualli took the effort to remember ALL our names & managed to matched them correctly to our faces. so impressive. things are a little clearer now...maybe coz i'm guided. if left on my own...i'll go lost in the notes again. well...projs are piling up fast & hopefully deadlines won't kill us.

anyway, met up my galz todae. ate hot yummy fish noodles at ps foodcourt with ann & ly, b4 mich & xw came to join us later for gelare. then we went for a little walk...which i ended up spending. impulsive buying again...hp chain & 2 cheap watches...in juz 15 mins. almost slippers & t-shirts...but i stopped. i'm experiencing personal financial crisis now. especially when i'm so busy with sch & can't work! i want to work...but i juz dun have any more hours to squeeze out. been working onli once or twice a wk. & worst...i've been spending during outings...which i cannot NOT go...so my bank a/c is juz depreciating fast. haiz. i gotta start saving up. i've practically used up all that i've worked so hard for...& now i cannot pia back 'coz sch has started. argh~ wat a constrain.... *siGhz*

so...since missed the last bus...i walked home from mrt. no rush...so i took as nice slow walk home. although it would be nice to be accompanied by a special someone, but until then...i'll enjoy quality time alone. it was still cold...but it was nice. nite light + rainy aftermath + cool winds...so inducive to straighten out thoughts in that 1-hr walk. not that i have alot to think abt...but it sort of made me start thinking. i realise that everyone has a destined fate. like as though similar occurances happen...although with diff pple involved. like my fren who seem to fall for the same kind of girls...which past experiences don't work out. its weird but like fated. so when this happens, should pple make different choices? or juz continue the cycle...sticking by ur values?

this reminds me of my selfish-ness. many times b4...i have been. persistant & stubborn. sticking to my expectations and evaluation. am i being too self-centred? but my intentions are good, for the benefit of others. preventing wrong msgs or false hope. i can't give in or even try it out, knowing that i'm not able to rite? should i have made diff choices?

well...recalled how nice & comfortable our talk was...at vinc's party. that familiar moment felt like our indifferences & changes in all these yrs were juz eliminated. but i'm done with this. that chapter is closed. u belong with the rest now. that special book...is closed. for good. its too late to ask why...coz it wouldn't matter to both of us anymore.

thiNkinG at;
1:34 AM;

*~=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-~*

Sunday, September 10, 2006

younger times...rekindled

todae woke up all tensed up...coz i had a nitemare. short glimpses of wat happened. significantly remembered being bitten by a sea eel...or some kinda snake. bit so hard on my thumb & index finger that a struggled for quite a while. eventually, i pulled so hard that i ripped off the skin of that creature b4 it was shot by a gun. woke up with clenched fists & a fast-beating heartbeat. oh manz~ wat was i thinking? i didn't think of "snakes on the plane" at all. maybe its linked to the crocodile man's death? i still feel so sad that he left like that. he's such a well-liked animalist. did wat he was interested in & wat he was best at...showcased so much info & entertainment on animal planet. guess its 1 of the dangers working in that field...erwin was a true risk-taker. he will be missed by thousands worldwide.

well...so i took a quick bite & started on my tutorial. managed to read stuff & still gotta continue later. went for dinner with parents + bro & dasao at jurong east entertainment centre. a place full of a phase of memories. its been such a long time since i last went there. changed quite a bit...with a new food court & kbox. i still remember how i used to take mrt..once or twice every week...travel all the way to JEC to ice-skate! started from pri6 ba. it was my parents who 1st brought me & my bro there to ice-skate. after that time...i juz got so hooked to it...i kept pulling frenz to go with me. influencing them to skate. & that was my hobby for abt 2 yrs. hahaha leeyin was 1 of my victims. wAaHAHhAhaHa! =P anyway...it was good rite? fun fun fun. fun falling down, fun going fast with the music, fun squeezing thru', fun biOing & fun making lotsa frenz. even skated with sch frens & montfortians. too many times to remember all. but that phase soon died down...can't remember why. maybe coz i started ddr? wahaha oh manz...those were the daes. should go iceskate soon. hope i have more free time.

during dinner...mummy mentioned our past holidaes. i was too young then to remember specifics. according to her...we went to australia, us & disneyworld b4! slight impressions ba...but think i need photos to help. hahah too bad i was too young to try the thrill rides...i must go there again! if i have the time & $$$...i would love to travel to so many places to play & shop! carefree & no studying! maybe next time....hopefully. well...enough dreaming already. i've gotta go study for tmr's quiz! ciAoz~

thiNkinG at;
8:52 PM;

*~=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-~*

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

snookerian

as of todae...i am one. haha went for my ever 1st snooker training juz now. it was great! although didn't know anyone there...juz kinda socialise. everyone was nice. the coach is fantastic. hitting the ball in the pocket was like chic feet for him, his aiming was so fast & precise. he's funny too. pointed out my mistake in standing position. can u imagine...i've been standing wrongly all these while! argh. great to learn it though. todae juz learnt straight near shots & thought us basics here & there. guess coach had to go round teaching many of us...so most of the time we were on our own...practicing with each other. played a full game later but me & my partner lost to our opponents. like what i told my proj mates earlier on...i'm a liability. hoping to be an asset of significant value manz...hahaha

i was the onli girl in snooker...the other girl didn't turn up. hope she comes the next training. kinda stressed coz the guyz are all so lihai...so zun. i'm having thoughts on how nice joining the league would be, but then again...i don't think i'm up to it. wait & see if i'll have any progress ba. i'm veri happy that i joined...partly gotta thank vinc for giving me the added "push". if he didn't jio me go to the welcome tea with him...i wouldn't have even thought of going on my own. the other part is my decision to go ahead with it although he couldn't join me eventually hehehe anyway, the place was kinda ulu...but facilities there were well-maintained. good, condusive environment to learn. didn't detect any smoke ba. kekeke this is what i call fun learning. so much better than studying. hahaha

looking forward to every snooker training now. but i gotta work on my aim 1st. =P *cHeErZ*

thiNkinG at;
3:07 AM;

*~=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-~*

Friday, September 01, 2006

unexpected...

yesterdae started out bad. feeling so stressed coz my workload's piling up...especially with assignments i'm lost in. it makes me so reluctant to start coz i noe i won't be able to pen anything down. y must it be so difficult. maths, econs, all coming back to haunt me. seeing how lihai my peers are...makes me feel so lousy. i realli felt like quitting sch at that point of "depression". but i noe i've already been thru' half...& this other half will be tougher. i feel like i'm a freshie... no progress in my field. i'm struggling...yet unable to push myself to study. so hopeless.

heard complete info finally. coz i'm not the sort of person who like to be kept in suspense. although not wat i expected...but something more disturbing. some things are better left unsaid. but i'm glad my frens didn't keep it from me. so many qns i wanted to ask. y after so long? wat made u ask? y did that thought suddenly come up? does it make any difference now? will it make u upset or make me seem stupid? was it juz a simplistic remark or a truthful qn? i really wana noe...but i guess its beyond my reach. a part of me wished the qn was directed to me personally...another part relieved it wasn't. maybe as what leong said, "u've already gotten over...but hai shi fang bu xia". i'm afraid to admit to that....but somehow i guess its true. every time i think of the stupidity & time-wasted in that...i juz let the thought go away.

feeling disturbed by this...but i still wanna thank them for telling me. if i had the choice..70% wanna noe & 30% didn't. so i don't want anyone to think that they've made me worse off. thanx. really. supper and mahjong after that was all good.

thiNkinG at;
2:12 PM;

*~=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-~*