i'm back again... after so long. so much have been going on in my life and i juz can't find the right avenues to let out. been emo-ing quite often recently... like anytime going into depression. but not that major kind.. juz feeling so damn lousy inside.

we all have ideals... some expectations to reach these ideals that make us happy. somehow i think i have come to realise i not only have to lower my expectations.. i also have to let go of my ideals coz they are never reality. we want things to turn out a certain way... occasions to be celebrate in a certain way with some kind of importance. maybe its the dreamy expectations i have... so far i think the times i was truly happy was during the 1st few ones. perhaps the occasion i like best was 1st month. only then... i was really xingfu. maybe i shouldn't put so much meaning into dates and occasions because they come every yr. sometimes simple can be good.. but wat i really want... wat i really hope for... do you know?

not sure if all my thoughts have been affected by work. i have done crazy things this year that took lots of courage and i didn't thought i was able to do it. not once.. but twice. didn't know i could be so daring...? i have to figure out wat to do soon... otherwise i will be stuck in this spiral.

i now feel everything is going wrong. things i am unhappy about cannot be said... or even if i say it wouldn't be of any use. problems cannot be resolved and i am juz stuck. with no sense of security in any way. maybe i should not take everything so seriously.. i should go back to the happy-go-lucky me. times where even when i get hurt... it wouldn't mean much or i wouldn't even mind it. when i say i dun care.. i realise i dun mean it...coz can't do it. i really do care.

thiNkinG at;
10:29 AM;