these 2 daes at office...nothing much to do...so i started to do online shopping. 1st time though...& i've bought 10 tops. spend ard $100...which means average onli 10 bucks...where to find outside? haha waiting for goods to mail to me...hope it all turns out well...hope all i can wear. haha
todae while eating lunch at bedok with pie & jacq, this uncle who sat beside me...kept looking. so irritating...he looked at me...then pie...then jacq. wat is this...sequence ah. its so annoying...& he kept "studying us" in intervals. maybe he was evesdroping our conversation. we were all exchanging looks...irriated ones. so jacq purposely toked abt her past experience with a crazy person. whom was actualli a mental institute patient who was at airport disturbing them study. with these weird things...something else happened later...which traumatised & almost scared to hell out of me. i went out to transfer $$ alone...nearby office. say this plump uncle sitting at the void deck which i had to walk pass. was normal when i past. but when i was walking back...i saw him + 1 more guy siting at the same stone table. as i walked...suddenly i heard the plump guy shouted "what the f*** u want?!" & he kept repeating that sentence with his hands thrown sidewards each time he said it. next i saw the other guy standing up immediately & ran as fast as he could. so i quickly walked outside...behind the wall...which he then appeared in front of me shouting that same sentence. wah lau! like machiam wanna fight la...kaoz. of course i turn ard & increased speed...hoping he wasn't chasing me. heng enough...he went back in shouting...then i quickly went the right direction & ran back to office. thru'out the "fleeing the scene" period...he kep shouting that sentence & trust me...it was damn loud. it is MAD! its realli a crazy experience manz....it all happened so fast. haiz
suppose to go walas todae but got cancelled...so i met karen who was free & watched blades of glory...it was damn farnie lah....& the iceskating was so nice! =P went home...hoping to rest early...but have gotta blog all i'm feeling now.
to whomever this may concern: i thought what i'm doing is wat's best for u. u wanted me to be ard...i listened. u said u'll be happy juz remaining as we are now. so i tried to maintain. but now i dunno wat's right or wrong anymore. if wat i'm doing is beneficial or detrimental to u. each time i realise the pain u're going thru' and the determination u have inside u...i find it hard to tell myself that this is how to make u happy(as u claimed). coz ironically, i think u r gona be hurt sooner or later. i've told u bluntly and too straightforwardly that we end up quarreling abt the same thing over & over again. apart from tHat forbidden topic...everything is normal. but once thAt topic starts, i juz twines round in circles and i'll alwayz end up thinking of my selfishness. seeing all the effort, energy & time u've spent on me...i won't ever be able to repay u. i want u to be happy...that's y i keep asking u to open up ur choices...give other pple a chance. coz i believe u deserve better & i noe u'll be better off that way. everytime i see u going deeper...i'm so afraid that i'll hurt u even more. its hard for me, with others' comments and viewpoints of why i'm leading u on or how heartless i can be. if this is how others view me...i cannot stop them. i'm sure pple constantly advise u to give up, but u insist & this is what makes me feel so guilty and helpless. u r not a burden to me(in fact a gift that i'm grateful for)...but i feel that i'm such a burden to u. but what i've honestly told u..of how i feel...is what i tell others. so watever u hear from whoever...i dunno wat it is...or was it even exaggerated...its up to u to listen. if u choose to disappear, i will not hold u back. coz it will juz harm u more. the reason why i held on so long is because i'm grateful to u for all u have done for me...& that all i can return is my one truthful frenship(that's if u want it). this conditional frenship may end eventually...easier for u...better for u. i've reached a point where i juz dun wanna hurt u any further. i may be wasting ur time...so its better that i'll be the bad person. as said b4...i'm lucky to have known u....but u r so unfortunate to meet me. watever it is...i realli thank u for all the happiness u've given me & realli appreciate ur thoughtfulness, helpfulness and kindness all these while. juz wanna wish u all the best. i'm blogging this down...dunno if u'll ever see this. but since u choose to appear offline & yet see wat i type..& juz a "ya" reply...i'll not bother u anymore. juz want the best for u 'coz u deserve it. sorry for causing u so much pain & trouble. i'll alwayz be here...if u ever need a fren.
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