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Sunday, August 26, 2007

engine too slow...deteriorating..


the engine in me is too darn slow. i'm aware of the workload piling up...i noe i have lots to read & have to start soon. but somehow...no matter how much i complain...i can't seem to start. wat's wrong with me. my closest frenz know me so well...the excuse i give myself for enjoying is...to enjoy as much as i can b4 i start to get stressed up on work. but then i juz keep enjoying & delaying the start of study time. i can juz laze ard at home or stay out late...juz telling myself i dun have time to relax anymore next time. but that next time never comes. i lack discipline....or maybe i juz dun wanna be disciplined.

find no point forcing things. if i dun wanna start...i can't force myself. will juz end up dozing off. if its time to happen... it will. i'm like a robot...w/o any controls. automation. juz enjoy ba...coz my life's gona be a short one. things happen for a reason. can't take it anymore. each time...i juz get weaker. its getting harder to act like i dun care. its difficult to ignore the faults i'm making. juz feel so helpless...especially when i'm the cause of it.

aims for now: (1)start reading textbk & lect notes. (2)going on a major diet. my uncle juz told me i am expanding. this is it. i'm determined... & its the best time too. after leong's calculation...now i know how far i am from getting a desirable cert. i have less than a yr left...& i'll have to get average b+ to get just a 3rd class. how is this possible...i realli dunno.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketthiNkinG at;
3:32 PM;

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